bjciii: My twisted thoughts

The bastards at the Central YMCA have changed their machines!

Fuckers!

I used to be able to be barely awake, hop on an elliptical machine, move my fingers over the buttons, and zone out for a half-hour. Now? I have to learn a whole new way to program it AND the “speedometer” that I used to use (Mets… whatever the hell that is) isn’t even displayed any longer. I was so thrown off this morning that it affected a bunch of other steps along the way.

It’s amazing to think how the littlest disruption can cause the worst consequences, isn’t it? It’s the old “butterfly effect” that states if a butterfly in deepest, darkest Africa beats their wings once, somewhere in Japan experiences a catastrophic monsoon when that wing-beat intensifies into something sinister. I mean, I always threw rocks into the river to see the ripples, but I never understood the philosophical and sociological impact of the ripples in an abstract sense.

It’s kinda cool AND humbling.

In any case the rest of the day was basically me catching up with the world. I think tomorrow will be even-keel, but today was all about me being a step behind. Luckily, after my class tonight, I get to take The Johnson Beauties out for a little Quizzo and a lot of beer. If I’m lucky, I’ll convince them to chow down on some pizza too. Lord knows, with the wedding a mere 4 days away, the bride needs some decompression! And no, before anyone jumps to conclusions, Erin isn’t MY bride-to-be. Erin is Karl’s bride-to-be! Don’t panic folks… you’ll hear about my engagement in other ways besides a BLOG entry (when it happens); I’m not that much of a techno-weenie.

Let’s see…

Mel Gibson? DUI, racist rants, sexist rants (“sugar tits,” anyone? Actually… that’s my kind of breakfast cereal!), and he served NO jail time.

Paris Hilton? Multiple DUIs, no discernible talent, yet she spent very little time in prison, including a nice weekend getaway home so she could get back in her right mind.

Lindsay Lohan? DUI, drug posession, yet she was sentenced to 1 day in jail.

Nicole Richie? DUI and she spent a whopping 82 minutes in custody… never reaching her cell once.

Joe Blow? DUI and the bastard is losing his license, attending classes, and probably spending some time in a holding cell.

Now you tell me: Double-standard much? It appears that, the more famous you are, the less the law applies to you!

Oh, and for all of you people out there who love pulling the race card, what do all of those examples have in common? I’ll give you as much time as you need.

So I’ve grown up in a home where my mom is a nurse and she pretty much was THE authority on everything medical. As I’ve gotten older and subsequently moved out, I’ve relied on her and my own acquired knowledge to determine every little “burp” in my health.

Tonight? I thought I was going into tachycardia. I kinda freaked! I mean, a resting heart rate of 96? I Googled for a bit, worried, made a few bad assumptions, and thought “Shit… I need to talk to my cardiologist.”

Then it hit me: When you eschew caffeine of any sort for as long as I have, even a 12oz. Coca-Cola will fucking raise your heart-rate.

Duh.

So, as soon as the caffeine finishes its course through my veins, I’ll be just as fine as I was this morning and this afternoon and early this evening.

See? My friends… a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Understanding is where it’s at!

…what a dumb fucker I can be…

Yup. It’s Monday.

Not only is it Monday, but it’s an overcast, dreary, drizzly Monday at that! There are things I have to get done, but I am taking 15 minutes to write an entry really quickly to try and center myself as my mind is going a million miles a minute. Maybe this will slow me down enough so that I can concentrate on one particular thing.

Anyway… I think I’m better now. Not because of that stubby little paragraph, but because I did manage to get myself under control over the last 45 minutes since I started writing this. Too much is going on for me to process this morning. Usually I’m pretty good… today? Not so much. Too much shit in my head; too many worries, too many concerns… too many demons.

It’s all good though. I’ll recover nicely. I just have a busy day ahead of me, that’s all

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve found myself knee-deep in an entry, only to delete it before I post it. Actually… that’s not completely true. I wrote the 3rd installment of The Thanatos Journals, posted it, thought it through on the drive home, and deleted it within 45 seconds of walking through the front door. It wasn’t bad writing (per se), but it just didn’t need to exist.

The BLOGs I’ve deleted over the past few weeks were just knee-jerk reactions to certain situations. It’s all good… I’m back in control. I do, however, have a headache which is going to require a lot of ibuprofen.

So what can I tell you? I have had a pretty good past week or so (despite you thinking otherwise). I have spent a lot of time with my girl and we even managed to take a day trip to the beach. We did a dollar-dog night at Frawley Stadium with both sets of parents AND my sister (sorry Erin, Karl, and Stephen… y’all were busy). The 7 of us ate 12 hot dogs and drank a shit load of water. The game was good… I think we won, but I can’t remember: It was so fucking hot.

Oh! I had a fantastic dinner last Thursday where Britt made me some sort of shrimp and scallop pasta. So damned good. I’m actually salivating thinking about it right now. On the other hand, you know what sounds really good right now? Some delicious fried chicken. I’m not talking KFC, mind you… I’m talking down-home fried chicken. God. I’m so hungry right now.

Everything else is pretty much everything. I wish there were more exciting things going on, but the most exciting thing is that I’m going to pull a Lanahan and force myself to write “x” number of hours a day to try and finish my werewolf novel. Yes, Steve, I know you’re happy. Try to contain yourself: Kleenex are pretty cheap.

Anyway… the Eagles’ season starts tonight (Pre-Season in Baltimore), so it’s officially NFL season! Join my football pool! E-mail me for details.

I aim to live my life logically. I feel that, if one can keep a cool head, any obstacle may eventually be overcome. Unfortunately, there are many purely emotional obstacles that stymie and defy all attempts at a logical resolution. One cannot reconcile emotion with logic: it’s an exercise in futility.

Why, then, do I consistently run headlong into the same brick wall?

Some say that the truest definition of “insanity” is when one attempts the same, exact course of action expecting a different result than any previous attempts. Unfortunately, those pundits also point out that the truest definition of “sanity” is the ability to question one’s grip on reality.

I question, therefore I am?

What if I question my level of insanity, all the while repressing the emotional argument raging within my head, hoping and praying that the outcome will differ from the last time?

God, I hate these philosophical questions.

It’s funny… for those of you who don’t BLOG at all (or privately BLOG, like an online diary that no one else can read), you won’t get why I’m apologizing, but those who do, well… you’ll understand.

In any case, I’m sorry to my readers for being a little out of it lately and not posting for a while. It’s funny… as I’m typing my entry, I really don’t think about who might be reading it or, more to the point, how that post might affect their mood or their life. I don’t mean to sound self-important or anything, but I’ve had numerous people chide me for going a while without posts in my past. I don’t know if it comes out of concern for my well-being or an overwhelming loss of voyeuristic thrills, but I do get those e-mails saying “Where the fuck are you?”

What’s happened since last post? I got to go away with my amazing girlfriend for a great weekend in D.C. where we ate way too much, walked a good amount, sweated a hell of a lot (hey… it was pretty damned hot and humid in Washington, D.C. thanks), and got to put up with an A/C unit that sounded like it was going to transform into a killer robot and murder us. All-in-all, it was a pretty fun time

After that, I finished up the semester on a high note by getting all of my grading done on time AND submitting grades with no problems. It was such a gorgeous feeling to know that my summer of craziness had ended with a good bow on the top. Now, I just get to sit back and prepare for the rest of the year (a.k.a. “The Fall Semester”). If you’re out of college (and by “out,” I mean “attended and are currently not attending at the present time), you’ll remember how different fall semester is from spring, summer, or winter semesters. Fall is when all of the brand-new collegians are coming in and how crazy things get. I thrive on that shit, really, so I’m looking forward to it.

Yes, folks, the past few weeks have been basically a roller-coaster of suck and happy, but I’ve got a few constants to level me out. Now, I’m just BLOGging while listening to iTunes, getting ready for bed because tomorrow is a lot of errands, cleaning, and cooking for Erin & Karl’s wedding shower at my parents’ house. There will be wine… oh yes, there will be wine. Anyway, I’m off to bed. I promise to write again soon enough.