bjciii: My twisted thoughts

Last night Britt, her dad, my dad, and myself went to the Phillies game. I have this wonderful friend who works for the Phillies and welcomes me and my party at these games by putting messages up at the games. I told her I’d be bringing my girlfriend with our fathers and she cooked that message up.

While I thank Tim, Jal, and Kara (holy shit… did Kara ACTUALLY read and comment on my BLOG?) for the well-wishes (and believe me, that’s very nice and touching that you all said that), I’m not engaged. It was basically a thing to tweak the dads. Unfortunately it didn’t work as they both found it uproariously funny. I guess we’ll have to see how the moms take it when they see the e-mailed pics this morning. Oh… and sister. Her head will probably explode.

Anyway… while Britt is the bomb, we ain’t engaged! Erin? I promise… we’re not engaged!

Brittany and I went to the Phillies game tonight.

Oh, the Phillies won 8-7 in extra innings.

Okay… conversations happen all the time between fathers and the boys who are dating their little girls. It’s a fact of life and, luckily, I grew up in a pretty social family so I am not so bad at the conversing. Keeping that in mind, how would you answer the following question:

Bill… I’m not saying you have or you haven’t, but what do you know about the cost of internet porn?

Eesh!

To be completely fair, it was a good question in relation to the idea about addiction and how it can negatively affect families and finances. We sort of walked in on the conversation as it was developing, but how the hell do you go about answering that? I was definitely uncomfortable for a second, but I hope I recovered. I even woke up this morning and did a little research (yes… research… I wasn’t looking at nude photos you damned pervs, I Googled “internet pornography cost” and picked a couple of good articles.). For example, did you know that, globally, the United States is responsible for over 89% of the internet pornography sites? Revenue from these sites top $2.4 billion a year. The most visited pornography site is “AdultFriendFinder.com” and it generates more hits per day than The New York Times website!

Still… I was asked about my knowledge of porn by my girlfriend’s dad. That’s gonna go down as an all time “gulp” moment.

So, really, this has not been a good week. I definitely am working my ass off, but it’s hot and nasty and all that. I had a nice discussion with my class last night about Chris Benoit and what happened, in the vein of “cause and effect” as that is what we were talking about last night, and that sort of drove the point home for them.

On another note, however, I’m still completely shocked by how few people pay attention to the news!

Anyway, yesterday? Better than Monday, but not still not great. I got a lot done, but I have a lot to go. Tomorrow is gonna be fun and I have taken off on Friday, so that’s gonna be me in the yard I think. I’d like to have a July 4th BBQ, but I’m seeing that Friday looks like rain all day, so that might not work for me. Fun times

It’s all good though: with the ups, there are downs. I just thank my lucky stars that my ups are a lot more than downs lately.

So… Monday night I wrote an entry about Chris Benoit and how I respected him as an athlete. This, after all I’ve learned in the past 2 days, has not changed. He was a tremendous athlete and a star among stars in the profession he loved.

I didn’t know the man personally. I actually was in the same building as he was a couple times over the years, but I never spoke to him or even shook his hand. It’s to that end that I cannot speak to his personal feelings or demons.

My buddy Dan made me realize that I can eulogize the Chris Benoit I knew, that is to say the wrestler, while never making excuses for what happened because I did not know him that way. What happened to his family is horrific. and I cannot even begin to imagine the thoughts running through his head as this scene unfolded.

I was severely confused as to how I could reconcile all of this in my own head. Truth-be-told, I still am. I can understand how someone might kill themselves for love (Lord knows there’s enough literature written on the subject), but I will never understand how someone could hurt the one they purport to love. All that aside… I’m completely flabbergasted by anyone who could kill their own child regardless of the circumstances.

I have no answers and I never will.

I refuse to take down my entry that I wrote Monday because those are my thoughts about the only facet I knew about the man. I won’t backtrack because I can’t. I will say that I am most definitely through with professional wrestling, however. Maybe that’s a sign of maturity, but I don’t think so. I really think it’s more the fact that I’m so disappointed in someone who was fooling everyone into believing that he was the good guy he said he was. I thought I had a better bullshit detector than that.

Now, a man whose legacy was once one of the greatest professional athletes ever is forever going to be remembered as a murderer of his wife and his young son. There’s no climbing back from that.

So I’m no longer confused. I’m just really disappointed.

So, just to recap yesterday, here’s a rundown of Monday the 25th of June in my world:

• I woke up in a bad mood… but didn’t know why.
• My girlfriend ended up pulling a muscle in her back and was in pain all day
• My favorite pro-wrestler died… most likely as the result of a suicide after killing his wife and 7 year old son (according to early reports… not completely conclusive yet)
• My class decided to audition for the Mute Academy last night and I had to drag every last syllable out of their mouths.
• I didn’t finish the grading I wanted to get done.

Yeah… yesterday sucked big, fat donkey balls! Thank God it’s Tuesday

Today I’ve got to catch up on my grading, massage my lesson plan for tonight , and just basically become the happy, smiling person everyone knows, loves, and lusts after again.

On the bright side, my “nephew” is coming over from Northern Ireland on Friday with the Ulster Project and one of the leaders was a teen in my year, way back when I was 15. It’s funny to think it’s been 16 years since I’ve seen Zoe, but it’s gonna be cool too. A quick tidbit: Zoe was the one I had a crush on back in 1991! I wrote to her a few times, but she ignored me. Alas… ’twas never to be.

Sokay… I think I managed to do alright

Regardless of what people think of professional wrestling, I was a fan for many, many years. I was a fan through my youth when I sat there, enraptured by the masculine ballet on the television, believing every single thing I was seeing. I was a fan in my late teens into college when I knew better than to believe everything I was seeing, but gaining a new appreciation for the choreography and sheer physicality. Through everything, I was a fan of a man named Chris Benoit. He was a true entertainer and tremendous athlete who was one of the greatest story-tellers in the ring. His skills were obvious even to the casual fan and even more evident to those of us who followed professional wrestling over the years.

Today, Chris, his wife Nancy, and his son Daniel were found dead in their Atlanta home. Police say they are investigating this as a homicide, but not even preliminary findings have been released, shrouding this entire horrific situation in a veil of rumor and shock.

Chris Benoit & Eddie Guerrero after winning the Championships at Wrestlemania XX

Chris Benoit was my favorite wrestler after I knew what wrestling really was. I followed him from his early days in World Championship Wrestling (WCW), Ted Turner’s organization based out of Atlanta, GA. I learned that this man was just the wrestler’s wrestler and gave me goosebumps watching him tell his story from bell to bell. I watched him with delight after he jumped to World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) along with Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, and the late Eddie Guerrero. He was given the shot and ran with it. He was champ, he was the man, and he was loved by almost every fan out there.

I would have numerous conversations with my father about professional wrestling. Always, those conversations started out as “Why in God’s name are you wasting your time with that crap? I hope one day you’ll finally grow up and quit watching wrestling.” I would then defend myself against that question, most always referencing Chris Benoit and saying “If you would just suck it up and watch 1 match with me, you’ll see the talent I see.” It never happened, but I think my dad finally gets his wish: I cannot imagine watching wrestling without Benoit on the card.

As bad as the storylines got, as bad as the green wrestlers were coming up… I always had the chance to see Benoit pull yet another great match out of yet another slacker. Now… there’s no salvation for a bad card. There’s no savior waiting in the wings to make me not regret wasting 3 hours with my friends watching an overpriced pay-per-view.

There’s no more Benoit.

2 years ago, I eulogized Eddie Guerrero after his untimely death. Now, I do it for my favorite of all time. Life is fleeting, but Chris Benoit is never going to be forgotten by the fans of professional wrestling. He and Eddie live in the pantheon of what professional wrestling really was… not the joke most made it. Regardless of what it was, either perceived or realized… it will never be the same again.

For those of you “missing” the old me, here’s a quick window to the past:

I woke up this morning on the wrong side of the bed. I mean… really… the wrong side of the bed. I don’t know why, but I’m in a pissy mood today. It wasn’t that I had a bad weekend, on the contrary… I had a great weekend capped off by an awesome night last night. I just am angry today.

Believe it or not, this is not due to a person or a situation or a job… it just is. I woke up pissy and have just gotten pissier since then. Everything seems to be piling on and adding to it.

I remember this feeling. I remember the elevated heart rate. I remember the annoyance every time someone opens their mouth. I remember the surge of hatred every time certain people speak… and I don’t like it anymore. It’s not me anymore.

Maybe it’s the weather. You know me: I hate indecisive weather. If it’s overcast, fuck it. RAIN already!! I want meteorological absolutes, damnit! Precipitation or not, but none of this cloudy with no payoff shit. I was just outside on a smoke break (Jerry smoked, I stood around) and almost railed at the sky!

Of course the fact that my favorite internet radio station is playing Bob Marley is so not helping right now. Fucking dirty Rasta pothead…

So a warning to those of you unlucky enough to converse with me today: Don’t take it personally.

Well, yesterday was the First Annual Christopher Pig Roast, and it was fan-frakkin’-tastic! Although we didn’t go all Studer and cook the pig ourselves, we got it from a butcher shop and watched the bastard simmer. It was sooooo good. Not only that, but there were homemade BBQ sauces (not as many as I’d hoped, but I think my dad ran out of time), all sorts of veggie things, and I made both 2 types of cornbread and a Texas Sheet Cake (thanks Ann!). It seemed that everyone had a really, really good time. I got my ass kicked in Bocce Ball by my girlfriend’s father and my best friend, but I still say that is because my team consisted of a Mick and a Polack. It’s okay though… I won’t make any more excuses… like the ground wasn’t flat, I was too strong, or the ball kept falling in ditches so I couldn’t see it. Nope… no excuses like that!

We did end up drinking almost a case and a half of Spotted Cow (that’s the beer France & I traveled to get last weekend) and everyone loved it. I already told them, however, “I am not going to get you beer, so don’t bother asking.” I actually think the Cow made the pig roast that much better because I really did plan the pig roast (yes… *I* planned it because I’m the great manipulator who pretty much forced my parents into it) around my trip to Wisconsin. Sometimes I scare myself… but in a good way, not a “Holy shit… I think I just peed myself a little” way.

Ah yes… to finalize this quick, pre-church, BLOG entry: Anything I was planning on doing with my new money coming in from my big check? Yeah… not so much anymore. The dentist’s appointment on Thursday pretty much said “Oh… open your wallet and I’ll just take whatever I can find.” I have to get a crown next month (incidentally the same day as my friends’ daughter is to be born) and it’s gonna be almost as much as we bought my first car for.

Mmm-mmm, bitch! That’s just FUN!

In any case, it was a solid weekend. Gotta work today and grade some papers, but I get to see this really hot girl a little later. I think that makes up for most of it

Peace out. (and yes… I know the mid-1990s called and they want their phrase back. I just didn’t pick up the phone. OH SNAP!)

I popped a Lifesavers Wintogreen mint today (as I’ve done countless times before) and bit down on it.

CRACK!!

I split my goddamn tooth on a mint. According to the wonderful internet, it’s the second premolar (bicuspid) in the upper right-hand quadrant of my mouth to be completely specific.

A mint!!

Looks like I have to stock up on more of those damn Listermint strips because billyboy ain’t doing mints no mo’!

The funny part? My life is so awesome that I’m not even the slightest bit angry about this. I figure, if this is the worst that happens, then I am definitely living the life of Riley!