bjciii: My twisted thoughts

I am a man, therefore women look at me like I oppress them and hold higher paying jobs because I have a penis.

I am heterosexual, therefore I must be a rapist AND intolerant of all alternative lifestyles.

I am Caucasian, therefore people of color look at me as if I owned their ancestors and abused them as well as use racial epithets in my spare time.

I am Catholic, therefore people look at me with a wary eye as I walk past children and they also believe I am part of a huge conspiracy to bury the “truth” about the woman’s role in the church.

I am an American, therefore I embrace wanton hedonism and want nothing more than to take over the world and rule it.

Folks… as a heterosexual Caucasian Catholic American male I’m pretty much fucked. I was just thinking about this as I was reading the paper. It seems that the only way I could be even more hated would be if I were a gay Republican! Interesting, no?

I heard from someone today that the company I mused about in yesterday’s post is still up to their old tricks. I just wrote this in an e-mail and I liked it so much that I want to repeat it here:

It’s like when someone bangs their head against a brick wall over and over, all the while expecting that next time not to hurt.

Honestly… God really MUST protect children, drunks, and fools because I can think of no other reason why that company and Manipulative Bitch Whore from Hell are still allowed to exist. I look at the shit they have pulled and the morons who followed them, and I am forced to wonder why. There’s a whole litany of whys and questions I could ask, but then I’d start to violate my unyielding rule of never mentioning specifics. In any case, I am once again attempting to wash my hands of that hellish situation because I’m much happier now.

Remember about a month ago I wrote a post about addiction and, more specifically, my addiction for knowledge? Yeah… found out something I suspected to be true actually is true. I’m not in the best place right now. I mean, I have no cause to be anything other than happy, but we all know that saying about “Be careful what you wish for” right? Yeah… well I got what I needed out of it, but definitely not what I wanted.

Other than that little emotional hiccup, we’re almost ready to finish off the semester. I’m loving my job, but I really wish I could make a little more money. Maybe I’ll prostitute myself out for lonely rich women

Well… maybe after I beat Dan in our YMCA challenge!

I know, I know… it has been far too long, but seriously folks: It’s tough coming up with new material all the time! I do apologize though. Life has been extremely busy and I’ve learned a great “secret” about a few people I know, so I’ve been riding high on that knowledge for about a week now. However… I digress…

Yesterday I was going to hit the gym with Dan at 7am, but he texted me and said he couldn’t go because he was up all night with his daughter. Needless to say, I went back to sleep. I reached over, set the alarm to go off 2 hours later, and rolled back to sleep. Yeah… I forgot to actually ACTIVATE the damned alarm, so I was late for work. Bah. Anyway… in that 3 hour block between when the alarm ACTUALLY went off and when I rolled over, I had this really odd dream.

Anyone who has read this BLOG for a while remembers my last job, I mean… how could you not? The vast majority of my posts over the past few years were about how much I loathed it! The odd part was this dream was ALL about the old company. For whatever reason (which I still can’t discern), I accepted a consulting position with the old company and reported to the old office (which they closed down in real life) to start. I showed up and the place was just FILLED with contractors and other consultants. I remember that it felt fun to be back and see my old friends and strut around like the cock of the walk, but  there were a lot of differences. First off, not everyone I used to work with was actually in the dream AND people who I NEVER worked with were also there. These people are friends of mine in real life and they just kinda popped in there. Odd, I know, but hey… it happens. Anyway, we used to have this big vault area in the office and I remember walking over to it, but it was being guarded by some dude in a robe with a pointy, fluorescent hat. Inside the vault, walking around, were more people (men and women  both) walking around in the same outfit. I talked to a little girl and found out that there was a “church” in there and all these people were members of that church. I still find that funny because I remember comparing the “take-over” company with Jim Jones and they were desperately trying to make us drink the Kool-Aid, so I’m sure that’s where the cult-church came from in the dream. Anyway, for whatever reason, I found out that this was some ultra-super sect of the Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Church.

Yeah… kinda makes no sense to me either, but roll with it.

So there was a cult-church which really has NO basis with JCoLDS (my own acronym to avoid typing Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints again), a bunch of people who never worked there, a few friends who DID work there, and a redesigned office which was a shithole to begin with. Oh yeah… the bathroom was like a palace and there were a bunch of Hispanic janitors in there cleaning after everyone. Of course when I walked in, I spoke fluent Spanish. Cool huh?

Really nothing of note happened and it was all just random interaction, but I will tell you that the Manipulative Bitch-Whore from Hell did make a non-speaking appearance in my dream. For those of you who are curious about who the Manipulative Bitch-Whore from Hell is, you obviously didn’t work with me or you would have known.

And no… I never dated her, so all of my ex-girlfriends can breathe easy that I wasn’t talking about them.

As I know that a few of my former colleagues read this BLOG (as well as a few of the people at the old company… to make sure I’m not spreading any vicious “lies” about them), I figured you all might find this funny. For those who did work with me, I will tell you that our boy McGarvey made a cameo appearance! So odd… It was a wild ass dream that abruptly ended when I realized I had 6 minutes to shower, get changed, and drive to work. Eesh.

Anyway… more later… I promise.

The writers have spoken and Philadelphia Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard is your National League Most Valuable Player for 2006!!!

It couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy

So who here has heard of “The Curse of the Bambino?” How about that cursed billy-goat in Chicago? Those two are pretty much legend in the annals of sporting lore, but here’s one that I just now heard: The Curse of Billy Penn.

Now, you’d think that me, being a Philly fan since birth, would have heard of this before now, but I haven’t! Jerry told me about it at lunch, so after the meal, we hit his cube and he Googled it. Sure as shit, there it was!

Basically, the story goes as such:

On the top of Philadelphia’s City Hall stands a statue of William Penn, the man whom Pennsylvania is named after (Pennsylvania = “Penn’s Woods”). Tradition dictated that his statue would be the tallest thing in the city. Well, in 1987 One Liberty Place opened and, since then, no Philly team in any MAJOR sport (including horse-racing) has won a championship. Previous to that, The Sixers, Phillies, and Flyers had all managed to win at least 1 title. Legend has it that Billy is P-ed off because his view of the surrounding area has been besmirched.

Now ain’t THAT a bitch?

This should have been written a few weeks ago, but I just didn’t feel the muse then. In any case, on October 27th I was walking through Costco with my platonic girlfriend and she motioned to the center of the store where there were Christmas trees on display.

Christmas trees… in October.

Come the fuck on!!! I’ve resigned myself to that inevitable fact that Christmas is being pushed to start earlier and earlier, but damn folks… at least wait until November! Personally I am glad I grew up in the house I did. My mom is all about holidays, but she has a routine on when to decorate. The rule is that Christmas doesn’t start until Thanksgiving Friday. That day is all about cleaning out the Thanksgiving decorations and putting up Christmas decorations. I dig that. I can live with a month of Christmas and be happy! The Christmas decorations do not come down until the Epiphany on January 6th because, well, that’s when they come down damnit!

So, the day after Thanksgiving I plan on sleeping in, waking up, cleaning a little bit, and hanging lights and making my Harry Potter Lego village again. I do that every year actually. I go and buy a new set, build that first, and then build the rest of the set after that. I’ve gotten a pretty big collection now (I actually think my growing Lego set now is bigger than it was when I was a kid).

Honestly, I don’t really get angry at premature Holiday decorating… I just get a little depressed thinking that it’s become so damn commercialized. Keep it close to the family and happy… then I’ll be happy

I sleep on the left side of the bed… or maybe it’s the right. I guess it depends on which way you are standing. In any case, when I’m laying down on my back, my left arm dangles off the side. Happy? Regardless of where I sleep or how I sleep, I most definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I’ve never been quite sure on where that idiom came from, but I take it to mean that the person waking up has become awake with a bad attitude. Now that the intro is done…

Oddly enough, I woke up early and just kinda lay in bed for about 15 minutes debating on whether or not to get an early jump or not. ATTITUDE: Tired. I let my alarm clock go off and I padded off into the bathroom to do my morning ritual. ATTITUDE: Normal. After I showered and all that, I put on some clothes and gathered my stuff for the day before getting into my car. ATTITUDE: Normal. I turned on the Preston & Steve morning show (WMMR people…) and made my way to the Interstate. ATTITUDE: Normal (and by “Normal,” I mean that I’m not pissed, depressed, or happy… I’m just even). I finally get on the Interstate and I realize that I have to travel the speed limit because one of our State’s Finest is in a car right next to me. ATTITUDE: Mildly annoyed. I get to school and find a semi-decent parking space and I head inside. ATTITUDE: Normal.

See, up until this point, I wasn’t stalking around angry, I was just even-keeled. It was this next bit of my morning routine that turned me into a big ball of pissed off. First, I logged into Delaware Online (Wilmington’s online equivalent of our newspaper) and read the headlines as I normally do. Of course that started to set me off because the geniuses in their mass-media department decided to add the instant commenting capability to their website. What that means is that Joe Schmo can read a story, sign up for an account there, and post his nonsensical ramblings for the world to see.

But Bill, you may be saying, you are doing that right now!

Ah my friends, says I, there is a difference! The Delaware Online people don’t make you post your real name. Anyone who Googles “bjciii” will see that I don’t hide who I am. If you see my initials on something, you can be 95% sure it’s from me. Anyway, these idiots who are posting under names like “CopsRPigs” and “SuperKilla” are just hiding behind these false names and posting whatever they damn well want. I mean, I’m all for editorials and I have been known to write a few myself, but each and every editorial I’ve submitted to the paper copy of the News Journal has been signed with my name AND been verified by the editorial assistant as to my claim of who I am. This electronic monstrosity requires no verification other than a valid e-mail address! I could go to Hotmail right now, open an e-mail account saying my name is Fifi LaRue, and sign up for a Delaware Online account under that name even though I’m not a woman and I’m not French. Lovely ain’t it?

Anyway, the people who routinely post to these comment boards are the basest idiots known to man and they do nothing but serve to perpetuate the negative stereotype of Delawareans put forth in the mainstream media as we are supposed to be just a step above inbred. Getting political for a second, the majority of people who take the time to post to these boards seem disgustingly liberal and have no idea what the real world actually is. These neuvo hippies are writing from their laptops in coffee houses or their cute and quaint little breakfast nooks, far removed from any city plight or anything else that would cause their perfect world to crumble around them in a wave of reality.

I know that sounds uber-Republican, but it’s not. Republicans are most times harsh, but that’s because the Democrats seem to live in a fantasy world of perfect utopia where everything can be fixed with more programs and better understanding. Remember folks… I consider myself much more Dem than Republican, but I call ‘em as I see ‘em! The fact is, these idiots on the comment boards are either completely idealistic and supremely out of touch with reality or completely idiotic and just there to piss me, and anyone else unfortunate enough to read their shit, off. Their favorite targets (both groups of them) are the police of this state.

Now nothing is ever perfect because it’s all based on humanity. Cops have bad apples in their bunch just like every other profession out there, but, if you take the time to read these fucking comments, it’s a foregone conclusion that the cops are either jackbooted thugs looking for another head to crack in or they are so inept that they couldn’t find their ass with two hands and a Sherpa to guide them! I am so damned tired of reading these things, but the braintrust at The News Journal kinda makes the comments hard to miss as they attach them to the story itself. That’s right folks… you don’t even have to log in to read the comments… you just have to click on the story itself. To me, and a few others I’ve spoken to, that’s basically telling the readers that The News Journal condones these comments.

Fucking idiots.

So reading yet another story about how the cops are all evil, brutish idiots with low IQs just set the stage for me today. Luckily I’ve been interrupted about a dozen times since I started this, or else my attitude would STILL be sour. I’m actually feeling better now because I was forced to… I mean, it’s not the students’ faults that I’m pissy right now right?

I clearly remember the conversation I had with my mother after I turned 18. Since that was back in 1993, I just missed the Presidential election (for the record, I would have voted for Clinton) and I really didn’t know OR care about the other elections. I always thought it was basically the difference between watching a minor league baseball game v. The World Series Game 7.

In any case, my mother trotted out the “people died for your right to vote” and I, as a snot-nosed asshole of an 18 year old, replied “those same people died for my right not to vote.” It was a back and forth argument with neither of us willing to give an inch.

So now we bounce forward 13 years and we’re in the middle of a Presidential cycle which means it’s just a lot of local elections with a few senatorial races in the mix for flavor. My feeling hasn’t changed in one respect: Those men and women who died for this country DID die for my choice whether or not to vote, but my feelings have changed dramatically regarding WHY I vote.

I look at the world today through the eyes of someone who grew up and moved out of mommy & daddy’s house. I moved into my own house in the City of Wilmington and I have worked full time for 8 years. I have experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly of being a single grown-up with no children. I realize just how naive and stupid I was when I was living at my parents’ house. I realize just how ridiculously idealistic I was and how I laugh and shake my head now at some of the memories that echo through my head. Regarding that argument I had those 13 years ago with my mom, I was right, but I was so wrong. I was right because the military fights for the freedom to do whatever we want to do under the laws and auspices of our United States; that includes both voting and NOT voting. However, now that I’m a little older and a lot wiser (which, honestly, isn’t all that difficult), I realize that it’s a complete disgrace to the memory of these fallen soldiers. While they died for my rights, they died so that I had the right to vote among others. I hardly believe, regardless of my 18 year self’s thoughts, that these men & women gasped their final breath saying “Now that kid in Delaware has a choice to stay home and sleep on election day!”

Looking at what’s going on in the world today, it’s my obligation and proud duty to further democracy by voting in a free election. Regardless of whatever ego-driven asshole sent our military to Iraq and Afghanistan, they fought for democracy there and instituted elections. People literally died for thinking about pulling the wrong voting lever and people here can’t be bothered to wait in a little line to push a few buttons.

It’s a disgrace regarding a lot that we believed when we were teenagers, but it’s mostly a disgrace to those who came before us. It doesn’t matter how you feel about the electoral process… the day we stop believing in it, this country ceases to exist. It’s a horrible thought to bear, but I need to believe that we mostly want The United States to continue on. Sure, we all hate the idiot in charge because he’s a corrupt, mentally deficient puppet… but we will change that in 2 years. I think about how “bad” we think we have it, but then watching the news I realize just how bad we could have it.

Tomorrow is election day in the United States of America. If you’re 18 years of age or older AND registered to vote, please do it. You’re right if you’re thinking that you don’t have to vote, but it does matter and one person CAN make a difference. It may not always seem like it, but it’s a hell of a lot better than the alternative.