I’m an American, but my heritage is from Ireland. Notice I didn’t say “I’m Irish” because… I’m not! I learned that the hard way when I said “I’m Irish” to a real Irishman and he laughed at me. The point is, I’ve got the blood in my veins to be of Irish. Do we have that point down? Good. Let’s move on. There was a writer named Oscar Wilde who once said “If there were no blacks in the world, the Irish would have been the blacks of the world.” In case you’re too drunk to understand, that means that the Irish were treated just a shade better than most blacks during the colonization of the U.S. Now, we have this Catholic Day of Rememberence for Saint Patrick which has turned into an “I’m really Irish even if my name is Horowitz” holiday. My what a difference a century makes!! So why do I bring this up? Easy… there are too many fucking alcoholic bastards in the world who use days like Saint Patrick’s Day and Fat Tuesday and all the other ones as a license to drink and be assholes. In Wilmington, Delaware there is a little area called Trolley Square. Inside Trolley Square there are 3 bars within 100 yards of each other (literally): Catherine Rooney’s, The Logan House, and Scratch Magoo’s. CR’s is relatively new (this being it’s first Saint Patrick’s Day), so I’m going to leave that out for the time being, but the other two typify why I hate these inbred, drunken, Irish-wannabe poseurs who come out for St. Pat’s. The Logan House pretty much takes up the entire block to allow the screechers and the stumblers (read that: most-likely-underage girls and the dipshits that hit on them) to block traffic, puke, and make fools of themselves in public. They play loud music which has NOTHING to do with Ireland or Saint Patrick’s Day and just let everyone get sloppy drunk. The assholes I run into are loud and obnoxious and they can’t wait to prove their manhood. The bars I have the misfortune of being dragged into are packed tighter than sardines and drinks are ridiculously priced and almost impossible to get due to the crowd. When I was in Northern Ireland, the TRUE Irish Pubs were quiet and dark. People laughed and occasionally sang, but for the most part, they threw darts, played snooker or pool, and drank. There were no fights that I saw. There were no stupid assholes trying to hit on anything with 2 Tits, a hole, and a heartbeat. It was like heaven. People were kind and respectful. We all got our drunk on, but we didn’t piss anyone else off. It’s like the ultimate “Live and let live” situation. You’ve got all these dipshit American assholes who are just trying to “be Irish” and not one knows the tune, let alone the words, to Danny Boy.
I avoid bars and (especially) Trolley Square on the “big” drinking holidays… which I referto as Amateur Nights. You want a good place to drink? Find a quiet, dark 1 room bar with people that know the bartender by name and you have a place you can go forever. Think a less commercial, less bright, smaller Cheers because, in my favorite bars, everyone knows your name and they leave you alone! There’s not fraternity assholes proving their dick-size or sorority girls just trying to get drunk enough to forget who they let fuck them. The places I enjoy are Utopia. Screw the Americanized drinking holidays!! Enjoy a nice pint in a quiet bar and tip your glass to Saint Pat. God bless ye son…
There are 3 parts to this one folks. I’ve tried to start with my normal “stream-of-conciousness” writing, but it ain’t workin so well because I keep getting more upset. Let’s try it this way:
Why America’s School System sucks the big one…
- My school taxes – Hooooo daddio. This is what got me started on this subject in the first place. See, I pay all my home-related taxes through my escrow account, so I get this bill at the end of the year telling me what’s going up or down (usually up) and how much my mortgage payment will be at the start of the next calendar year. It went up for me in December and I said “hmm… what changed?” Turns out it was my school tax! Now, even though I’m with a wonderful woman right now, I’m still unmarried and not a father. So why the fuck am I paying school taxes? …deep breath… My idea to get around this is that people who don’t have kids… DON’T PAY SCHOOL TAXES!!! Why should a person who has no children pay for OTHER people’s children? Okay, how about this… why should my parents be forced to pay their school taxes when both my sister and I went to PRIVATE schools the entire time we were in school? They were already paying tuition, yet they had to pay for public schools too? That’s bullshit people. I understand that teachers need to be paid… believe me, I’m all for it! Teachers make professionals and they get paid next-to-nothing. That’s crap! However, should I be required to pay a mechanic to fix a car I don’t even own? How about a chef to bake a cake I’m not even going to see? It may seem like a ludicrous way to make the point, but it’s the same thing!!! I’m giving money somewhere to do something for someone I’ll never meet. It’s one thing if I’m sending money to Zimbabwe to feed Sally Struthers or something, but I’m not. At least THEN I’d know where my money is going and what it’s doing. With the level of education coming out of America’s public schools right now, I don’t feel that my money is being put to good use! To perfectly seque into my next point, I’m not even paying school taxes for schools in my immediate area… I’m paying for Newark High School which is almost 20 miles from me!
- Bussing and neighborhood schools – So why do kids that key the cars on my street have to travel almost 20 miles to go to school? Aren’t there closer public schools to go to? The answer is yes! There are closer public schools, but apparently these inner-city familes think their schools are sub-standard and they want their kids to have a better shot away from all those ruffians in the local schools. Um. Okay. Don’t get me wrong… I’m all for parents trying to better their children, I applaud it! HOWEVER when your kids are the ones selling drugs, beating up teachers, and starting knife fights in the bathroom, shipping him or her off to a school 20 miles away isn’t going to solve any problem. It all boils down to responsibility people. No one in this country wants to take responsibility for their actions or the actions of those they are responsible for. Oh? My child started a fight that sent another kid to the hospital? It’s the teacher’s fault for not providing adequate protection! Oh? My kid was busted selling coke? It’s society’s fault because he can’t get a better job. That’s all bullshit. These ostriches we call parents shouldn’t have had kids in the first place. All they’ve done is served up the worst kids in the city and shipped them elsewhere to branch out. Shit… it’s a better job of divide and conquer than most dictators can do with an army!!! Now, instead of having 2 or 3 schools with a ton of scary kids, you have 20 or 30 schools with a few scary kids who have followers! It’s like the AIDS virus!! It’s just attacking the fact there are no defenses against this scourge and it’s multiplying! These punks aren’t only affecting the level of security in these schools, they’re dragging down the educative process as well. And that brings me to the final point of this rant… (aren’t I just the King of Seques?)
- Kids are frigging morons today!!! – I remember in my sophomore history class, my
teacher asked some kid that sat in front of me to point out England on the map. He pointed somewhere in the area of Texas. I was shocked! I mean, I couldn’t point out where each individual sattelite country of the former Soviet Union is without looking, but I know where the bigger countries are! Apparently, years later, a study came out that said a ridiculous portion of kids today (as in: now) can’t even point Canada out on the map.
Canada. CANADA PEOPLE!!! OUR FUCKING NEIGHBORS TO THE NORTH!!! THEY CAN’T FIND CANADA?!?!? Lord, we’re all in trouble now. Both Private AND Public schools get shamed for this now… why are we allowing kids to graduate to another level if they don’t know how to read or write or add or subtract or even where friggin Canada is?! Yes, there is the whole thing about good athletes being pushed along to help out the sports department, but that’s not always the case. Of course, in my old high-school 2 teachers made no bones about the fact that, if you were a student athlete, you were a better person than those of us who weren’t. I truly believe there is a special spot in Hell for Father Brennan and Mr. Brazill for that kind of fucking pathetic mentality. My only wish is that they are forced into the same room with only books and a chessboard. They can have a TV, but it can only air Emeril Live. But I digress… people DO get special treatment, but it’s not right. The vast majority of these idiots that slide by eek through the cracks and are lost. That’s everyone’s fault: Parents, kids, AND teachers.
Why should I pay my hard-earned money for educating America’s youth if they aren’t being educated?! I tell ya what Mr. Taxman… you want me to pay more School taxes, you best be sure that every kid in the schools my tax money goes to can point out Canada!