bjciii: My twisted thoughts

I live in Delaware. It’s pretty obvious by the waving Delaware State flag on the start page, but I just wanted you to know that. Why do I want you to know that? Well Delaware politicians have passed aggressive anti-smoking legislation recently that pretty much bans all smoking in restaraunts, bars, and other places. My reaction? It’s about fucking time! Yes, California (a state which I have little respect for most days) passed a somewhat similar law years ago, but it just trickled east of the Mighty Mississip. Now… why do I think it’s fantastic? I’m a non-smoker, have been my entire life. I hate the smell of burning tobacco and/or marijuana (but that’s another debate). So the question is asked: Why should I go into a bar that I enjoy and go home smelling like shit because of weak-minded addicts? 99% of these addicts are too damn inconsiderate to ask if they can blow smoke in your face and stink up your clothing. I have two friends who smoke (I have more than two friends who smoke, but these are the two I’m referring to here… keep up!) and they are, without a doubt, the kindest smokers I’ve ever met! My pal and his wife invite me to their home for dinner and feel they have to go out of their way to make sure I am okay when they are smoking. I’m a big boy and I know that when you’re in someone’s home, you don’t complainabout the way they handle themselves, so if they were to smoke, I’d just sit by a window or suck it up, but they are so nice that they make sure I’m not getting any blowback or anything when they’re puffing away. The same people when over my house don’t even bother asking to smoke nor going outside to smoke… they just wait until they leave. That, my loyal readers, is courtesy and kindness!

Now I have a few more friends that smoke that are normal smokers. I’ve said a ton of times I can be standing in a wind-tunnel with a fan at my back blowing past me at gale-force winds and if a smoker is anywhere in front of me, that damn smoke and odor will still find its way to me. Such is the plight of a non-smoker. Those other friends aren’t mean. They don’t specifically say I’m going to suck on this cigarette and make Bill gag and smell (at least I don’t think they do). They’re not targetting me, it’s just they’re not thinking of me. That’s the way we are in today’s world: narcissists. If it doesn’t bother us, screw the next guy. The fact is, if you look, I just spoke of clothing and odor and superficial things… I haven’t even gotten into the second-hand smoke health risks. I get so bad that too much exposure to these toxic (yes, toxic… look up the ingredients) causes me to get watery eyes and vomit. There are a few bars in Wilmington that I absolutely refuse to patronize because of the shitty air flow-through and the abundance of smokers. Kelly’s Logan House and Scratch McGoo’s are two such places that I don’t do.

Keeping all that in mind, if I choose to go to a place I know is bad with smoke or I choose to be with a smoker who doesn’t really think about anyone else, then I can’t really complain because I chose to be in that situation under my own free will. I went to a wedding this weekend and my date was a smoker. She slipped away almost every 30 minutes for a smoke, but I only gave her the shit I normally give her… you know. The disapproving eye and a click of the tongue. Par for the course. I crashed in a hotel room she paid for, so therefore it was a smoking room. It was killer man… Did I tell her I had to get up in the middle of the night to puke and rub a cold washcloth over my face because the smoke in that room was absolutely destroying me? No. Why should I give her hell for that? I chose to be there and I didn’t leave, so it was my fault too. She’s a good girl and I know she wouldn’t conciously do anything to hurt me, but when you’re a heart-patient (2 surgeries and counting under the ole belt) and your lungs never were the best, smoke really fucks you up badly. How do I deal with it while I’m working? Well… There are 5 smokers in my office and I routinely go out on smoke breaks with them because I like the fresh air. Fresh air??? Yes. I position myself far enough away that the smoke doesn’t get to me, yet I still can have conversations with them. I guess I wanted to go off on this because after our new law was passed, all these smokers were up in arms about it. Do you know how many people showed up at the meeting to debate this law for smokers before it was passed? One or two shop-owners. How many against? There was no real accurate count, but General Custer v. Indians comes to mind. With no opposition, the smokers were extinguished fairly quickly. It’s great to argue a point, but when you argue after the fact, it’s pretty damn pointless.

The main point is we live in a country based on personal freedoms. When a personal freedom infringes upon someone else’s personal freedom, then it’s no longer a freedom. No one is banning smoking from the United States… they’re simply designating areas that smokers will be with other smokers and not affecting the non-smoking contingent. Now I’ll probably get an argument that, as a non-smoker, my personal freedom of having you not smoke is infringing with your personal freedom to smoke. You have the basis of an argument, but my not smoking doesn’t affect your odor or your health. I, and my kind, are merely an inconvinience to you. You and yours? You’re pretty much deadly to me.

Let me begin by saying that I’m going to be going off on Star Wars so if you haven’t seen the movie yet, read this later because, in the heat of the moment, I might reveal a few key plot points…

Still with me? Good. To all the reviewers who I attacked in my last rant and all those self-important assholes who think they’re so smart, I have one thing to say to all of you: Fuck you. How can any fan of the Star Wars series not like Attack of The Clones? It was almost on-par with The Empire Strikes Back in terms of mood and pacing. Were the characters lively and abundant with happiness? Nope. Was the dialogue a bit cheesy at points? Yup. Was it that way through the last 4 movies as well? Yup. So how would I describe this movie… It’s a mystery-suspense movie that would have been at home in the 1950s with all the political intrigue, the forbidden love affair, and large battles. Now the love story was a heavy plot point, but I feel it was given minimal time on the screen. And what of that pain-in-the-ass Jar-Jar Binks? He’s also given minimal time, but this time he makes a huge fucking impact on the galaxy.

Everyone seems to be talking about Yoda’s scene at the end (or as my friend Mongoose referred to him: Rey Misteryoda, The Lucheador Jedi) and I’ll admit it was pretty cool to see, but people also seem to be complaining about the lack of Anakin’s tempting to the dark side. Um… did you see the same movie I did? Major Plot Point ahead… Did you fall asleep when he held his dying / dead mother in his arms and then went out and slaughtered the Tuscan Raiders and their families for revenge? Were you jerking off when he spouted all those hated things in the spare-parts shack with Amidala? C’mon people! Everything you complained about was in the fucking movie! Pay attention!!! I hear people complaining about the acting of Hayden Christensen… um. Have you seen Mark Hamill in much else besides the original trilogy or bit parts that make fun of it? His claim to fame is voice-overs (he is The Joker in Batman: The Animated Series) and videogames (Wing Commander). Face it, out of the entire first trilogy, there were a handful of decent actors: Harrison Ford, Sir Alec Guiness, and James Earl Jones (but he barely counts because it was just his voice). Billy Dee was okay, but I’m sorry… he’ll always be the Colt-45 Spokesman to me. So in this trilogy (thus far), you have Ewan McGregor, Liam Neeson, Samuel L. Jackson, and Christopher Lee. Sure Natalie Portman seems a little tight in this role, but the role demands it I think. If you want to see her acting chops, watch The Professional or Heat to get the point. These movies, while watched by adults, were made for kids folks. Let them get to be our age and they’ll remember Jar-Jar with fondness like a lot of us did with the Ewoks. So if your main complaint was the chemistry between Skywalker and Amidala, get over it… while a pretty good chunk of the mythology begins there, it is by no means destroyed by the acting. These movies have always asked for the audience’s imagination, so use it!!!

Okay, I’ll admit I’m biased on this. Hell, I’ll trumpet it from mountaintop if asked (and given plane fare to the nearest mountain), but don’t tell me what I already know. Yes, Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones comes out this week. Yes, I did enjoy SW:EI – TPM because it’s George Lucas! No, I haven’t seen anything about the new movie except the trailers. No I haven’t read any of the reviews or “Special Inside Looks” because I want to be suprised. I have, however, heard a great deal of negative buzz. Why is there negative buzz? I can sum it up in one point:

• Reviewers are all cynical assholes.

Oooo… big surprise I said that huh? Let’s face it folks, reviewers are nothing more than wanna-be filmmakers with no shot of making it, so they decide to tell people which movies to see. Bullshit! Male cow feces I say!!! I’ve seen thousands of movies in my lifetime… hell, I own a couple hundred. So does that give me the right to tell John Q. Public what to watch and what not to? Nope. Honestly… Do you think Siskel or Ebert or Shalit or Glieberman or Schwartzbaum ever influenced my opinion on what I saw? Fuck no! What you have there are mock intellectuals who make too much money for sitting on their asses telling people that this film lacks “realism” or that film is “more love story than action.” Well ya know what, I’m more than happy to talk about movies with people and I’m always offering my opinion, but do I think that because I say that Titanic sucked iceburgs, that’s going to stop someone from seeing it? Shit I hope not! Opinions are like assholes: Everybody has one and some stink. Just because some opinions stink, should they sway your opinion? God I hope not!! Be your own person and watch whatever looks good. Spend $5 at a matinee. Worst case scenario is that you will waste 2 hours and $5 to make up your own mind. Will I love Attack of the Clones? Chances are I will. Will I think it is one of the greatest films ever made? Probably not. Will I go see Episode III even if it’s a prolonged close-up of Lucas taking a dump into a film canister? Most likely. The fact is that reviewers would call the second coming of Christ “Anti-climactic” and that it had “a forced feel to it.” The main point I’m trying to make is please… for the love of whomever you worship, think for yourself and make up your own mind about things. Don’t discount a movie or book or tv show just because Gene Shalit says it’s trite. Enough for now. You get my point. Enjoy the movie or hate it, but remember… there’s always going to be someone with an opposing opinion!

I honestly don’t have anything to complain about right now… I mean, there are a few things I’d like to go off about, but not now. I’m actually pretty happy. Work is going well and Taekwondo is going well… I’m still single and I’m pretty positive my virginity has grown back in full, but all in good time right? As of now, I’m just chillin. Sorry for the build-up and letdown, but I never promised the sun, moon, and stars folks!!! Just a few thoughts.