A little explanation...
There was a conversation going back and forth between Jim & myself while we were working
about the best quotes from certain episodes of Buffy, so we would spout off a
bunch and try to top each other.
One day Jim made the fateful comment of: Ya know, I should really list out all the best
lines from each episode. Well... since I had nothing to do at work, I did all mine. What
you see here is the tip of the iceberg! Some of these are funny, some of these are bad ass,
some will make NO sense to you, but tough. Watch the show and you'll understand...
Angel Quotables
Jump to a season: [1] [2] [3]
[4] [5] [6]
[7]
Season 1: 1997
WELCOME TO THE HELLMOUTH:
Buffy: What... did you send away for the Time-Life series or something?
Giles: Erm... yes.
THE HARVEST:
The Master: Wait. There's something in your eye. SPLUSH!
THE WITCH:
Xander: I laugh in the face of danger... then I hide until it goes away.
TEACHER'S PET:
Xander: It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.
NEVER KILL A BOY ON THE FIRST DATE:
Giles: Alright, I-I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and
ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.
THE PACK:
Willow: Oh, my God, Xander! What happened?
Buffy: I hit him.
Willow: With what?
Buffy: A desk.
ANGEL:
Xander: Y'know, hey, I don't know what everyone's talking about. That outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker!
I ROBOT, YOU JANE:
Xander: Hey! I got to hit someone!
THE PUPPET SHOW:
Buffy: Giles, unto every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny.
Giles: If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated, or at least, um, helped.
Buffy: Nah! I think I'll take on your traditional role... and watch!
Xander: And mock!
Willow: And laugh!
NIGHTMARES:
Buffy: Scary! I'll tell you something, though. There are a lot scarier things than you. And I'm one of them.
OUT OF MIND, OUT OF SIGHT:
Snyder: There are no dead students here. This week.
PROPHECY GIRL:
Xander: How can I say this clearly? I don't like you. At the end of the day, I pretty much think you're a vampire. But Buffy's got this big old yen for you. She thinks you're a real person. And right now I need you to prove her right.
Angel: You're in love with her.
Xander: Aren't you?
Back to top...
Season 2: 1997-1998
WHEN SHE WAS BAD:
Xander: What are you gonna do?
Buffy: I'm gonna kill them all. That oughta distract them.
SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED:
Cordelia: It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm. God, there were so many parts,
they were everywhere. Why are these terrible things always happening to me?
Xander: Karma!
SCHOOL HARD:
Spike: You were my sire man... my Yoda... You Uncle Tom!
INCA MUMMY GIRL:
Buffy: Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, bity blah, I'm so stuffy, gimme a scone.
REPTILE BOY:
Willow: Askew means cockeyed.
HALLOWEEN:
Spike: Well! This is just... neat!
LIE TO ME:
Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
THE DARK AGE:
Xander: Ooh, gang, didja hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia! Mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever!
WHAT'S MY LINE, PART 1:
Angel: You know, I'm a little rusty when it comes to killing humans. It could take a while.
WHAT'S MY LINE, PART 2:
Xander: Who sponsored career day today? The British Soccer Fan Association?
TED:
Buffy: Can you say 'sucking chest wound?'
BAD EGGS:
Giles: I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression.
Xander: I resent that! Or possibly thank you.
SURPRISE:
Angel: Leave her alone.
Spike: Yeah, that'll work. Now say 'pretty please'.
Angel: Take me instead of her!
Spike: Uh, you're not clear on the concept, pal. There is no 'instead'. Just first and second.
INNOCENCE:
Oz: So, do you guys steal weapons from the Army a lot?
Willow: Well, we don't have cable, so we have to make our own fun.
PHASES:
Willow: Great. I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1- 800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho.
Buffy: Meow.
Willow: Thanks... I've never gotten a meow before
BEWITCHED, BOTHERED, & BEWILDERED:
Angelus: Dear Buffy. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards.
Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression.
Angelus: Lacks... poetry.
Spike: It doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?
PASSION:
Angelus: Well, maybe next time I'll bring you with me, Spike. Might be handy to have you around if I ever need a really good parking space.
KILLED BY DEATH:
Cordelia: Oh, right. Your obsession with protecting Buffy. Have I told you how attractive that's not?
Xander: Cordelia, someone's gotta watch her back.
Cordelia: Yeah, well, I've seen you watch her back.
Xander: What is that supposed to mean?
Cordelia: Well, I was using the phrase 'watch her back' as a euphemism for 'looking at her butt.' You know, sort of a pun.
I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU:
Xander: Something weird is going on. Isn't that our school motto?
GO FISH:
Xander: I figure, I can keep an eye on Gage and the others when Buffy can't.
Willow: When you're nude? I meant to say changing.
BECOMING, PART 1:
Spike: It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.
BECOMING, PART 2:
Spike: We like to talk big. Vampires do. 'I'm going to destroy the world.' That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision. With a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Piccadilly. Farewell, Leicester Bloody Square. You know what I'm saying?
Back to top...
Season 3: 1998-1999
ANNE:
Willow: Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement: 'Don't get killed.'
DEAD MAN'S PARTY:
Giles: Unbelievable. 'Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead.' Americans.
FAITH, HOPE, & TRICK:
Mr. Trick: I mean, admittedly, it's not a haven for the brothers. You know, strictly the caucasian persuasion here in the 'Dale. But, you know, you just gotta' stand up and salute their death rate.
BEAUTY & THE BEASTS:
Scott Hope's Anonymous Friend: Yeah, but your mom has the wattage of a Zippo lighter, Scott.
HOMECOMING:
Trick: Competition. Competition is a beautiful thing. It makes us strive, it makes us accomplish, occasionally makes us kill. We all have the desire to win. Whether we're human, vampire... Whatever the hell you are, my brother, you got a spiny-looking head thing, I never seen that before.
Thing: I am Kulak, of the Meequak clan.
Trick: Isn't that nice.
BAND CANDY:
Principal Snyder: Call me Snyder. Just the last name. Like Barbarino. Oh, I'm so stoked!!
REVELATIONS:
Faith: I've had my share of losers, but you... you boinked the undead.
LOVER'S WALK:
Willow: 740? Verbal?? I'm pathetic! Illiterate! I'm Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel.
--or--
Spike: I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
--or--
Spike: Oh, sod the spell. Your friends are at the factory. I'm really glad I came here, you know? I've been all wrongheaded about this - weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back, I've just got to be the man I was. The man she loved. I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place. I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her until she likes me again. Love's a funny thing.
THE WISH:
Buffy: Your logic does *not* resemble our Earth logic.
Xander: Mine is much more advanced.
AMENDS:
Margaret: Sir! My son!
Angelus: He'll make a fine dessert.
GINGERBREAD:
Willow: A doodle. I do doodle. You too. You do doodle, too.
HELPLESS:
Buffy: What if I just become pathetic? Hanging out at the old Slayer's home, talking people's ears off about my glory days, showing them Mr. Pointy, the stake I had bronzed.
THE ZEPPO:
Faith: Okay, that was great. I gotta shower. SLAM
BAD GIRLS:
Mayor: Who knows, with any luck, they'll kill each other. Then everyone's a winner. Everyone, of course, meaning me.
CONSEQUENCES:
Wesley: My. She's... cheeky, isn't she?
Faith: First word, 'jail,' second word, 'bait.'
DOPPELGANGLAND:
Willow: It's horrible. That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil, and skanky. And I think I'm kind of gay.
ENEMIES:
Giles: Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still-beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.
EARSHOT:
Xander: What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time. Sex. Help! 4 times 5 is 30. 5 times 6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked women. Naked Buffy. Oh, stop me!
CHOICES:
Buffy: But you - I can't believe you got into Oxford!
Willow: It's pretty exciting.
Oz: There's some deep academia there.
Buffy: That's where they make Gileses!
Willow: I know. I could learn, and have scones.
THE PROM:
Anya: Look I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my breasts.
Xander: Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open.
GRADUATION DAY, PT. 1:
Mayor Wilkins: We don't knock during dark rituals?
GRADUATION DAY, PT. 2:
Principal Snyder: Congratulations to the Class of 1999. You all proved more or less adequate.
Back to top...
Season 4: 1999-2000
THE FRESHMAN:
Vampire Girl: Does this sweater make me look fat?
Sunday: No. The fact that you're fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look... purple.
LIVING CONDITIONS:
Buffy: Kathy's evil. I'm an evil fighter. It's simple. I'm gonna have to kill her.
THE HARSH LIGHT OF DAY:
Harmony: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
Spike: No.
Harmony: Oh. Can I make him a vampire?
Spike: No. Wait. On second thought, yeah. Go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well.
FEAR, ITSELF:
Xander: Who's the little fear demon? Come on, who's the little fear demon?
Giles: Don't taunt the fear demon.
Xander: Why, can he hurt me?
Giles: No. It's just... tacky.
BEER BAD:
Xander: And was there a lesson in all this, huh? What did we learn about beer?
Buffy: Foamy!
Xander: Good. Just as long as that's clear.
WILD AT HEART:
Willow: Oz, don't you love me?
Oz: My whole life, I've never loved anything else.
THE INITIATIVE:
Xander: Might as well face it - right now, I don't have the technical skills to join the Swiss army. And all those guys ask you to do is uncork a couple of sassy Cabernets.
PANGS:
Anya: Soon he'll be sweating. I'm imagining having sex with him again.
Buffy: Imaginary Xander is quite the machine.
--or--
Spike: Julius Caesar didn't say 'I came, I conquered... I felt really bad about it.'
SOMETHING BLUE:
Buffy: From now on... we're family.
Giles: It's all right, I- I have more Scotch.
HUSH:
Anya: This isn't a relationship. You don't need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms.
DOOMED:
Buffy: Look it up: Slayer, comma, The.
A NEW MAN:
Giles: Nothing is gonna happen. (leaves crypt)
Ethan: I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that at all. In fact, Ripper, old mate, I'd say something rather interesting was about to happen...
Giles: (re-entering) Did someone...?
Ethan: Oh, bugger! I'd thought you'd gone!
THE I IN TEAM:
Willow: You know how it it with a spanking-new boyfriend.
Anya: Yes, we've enjoyed spanking.
Xander loses his cards
GOODBYE IOWA:
Spike: By the by, if you're trying to kill her... (big smile, thumbs-up gesture)
THIS YEAR'S GIRL:
Willow: Yeah, too bad. That was the funnest coma ever.
WHO ARE YOU:
Faith as Buffy: I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you popped like warm champagne, and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? Because it's wrong.
SUPERSTAR:
Anya: Xander?
Xander: Yeah?
Anya: Let's go have sex now.
Xander: Yeah. Okay.
WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE:
Spike: I know I'm not the first choice for heroics, and Buffy's tried to kill me more than once. And I don't fancy a single one of you at all. But... Actually, all that sounds pretty convincing. I wonder if Asian House is open...
NEW MOON RISING:
THE YOKO FACTOR:
Giles: You never train with me anymore. He's going to kick your ass.
Buffy: Giles!
Giles: Sorry. Was it a bit honest? Terribly sorry.
PRIMEVAL:
Adam: I do appreciate violence.
RESTLESS:
Cheese man: I wear the cheese. It does not wear me.
Back to top...
Season 5: 2000-2001
BUFFY V. DRACULA:
Xander: I think you're drawing a lot of crazy conclusions about the Unholy Prince.
(everyone looks at him again)
Xander: ...bator.
REAL ME:
Buffy: We're just going to the magic shop... no school supplies there.
Dawn: Yeah, Mom, I'm not going to Hogwarts. Hog... Geeze, crack a book sometime.
THE REPLACEMENT:
Buffy: See? Now with the flying kick, from a dead stop. What's powering it? Raw enthusiasm?
OUT OF MY MIND:
Spike: I will know your blood, Slayer. I will make your neck my chalice and drink deep.
NO PLACE LIKE HOME:
Giles: It appears to be paranormal in origin.
Willow: How can you tell?
Giles: Well, it's so shiny.
FAMILY:
Buffy: Your definition of narrow is impressively wide.
FOOL FOR LOVE:
Xander: What's with the hand wave? You see that? Does that, like, mean something?
Willow: It's code. I think it breaks down to 'choo-choo!'
Anya: It probably means to follow him. That, or wait here for him.
Willow: (whispering) Ask him.
Xander: (yelling) Hey, Riley? What's the (hand gesture) all about?
Riley: It means yell real loud so the vampires who don't know we're coming will have a sporting chance.
Xander: See, now he's all mad and sarcastic.
Willow: It's because you were doing all that yelling, Mr. Stealthy-pants.
SHADOW:
Glory: Tick-tock, Dreg. Tick-fricking-tock!
LISTENING TO FEAR:
Joyce: I'd rip it in half and stick it in bed with me!
INTO THE WOODS:
Spike: As usual, I'm here to help you, and I... are you naked under there?
TRIANGLE:
Xander: Sometimes I sort of forget that he's gone. It's like, 'Where's Riley? Oh, wait, the central republic of Where In the Hell.'
CHECKPOINT:
Watcher: Oh, this is beyond insolence!
(Buffy throws sword across room and into wall inches from Watcher)
Buffy: I'm fairly certain I said no interruptions.
Xander: That was excellent!
BLOOD TIES:
Dawn: I just think you're freaking out 'cause you have to fight someone prettier than you. That is the case, right?
Buffy: Glory is evil and powerful... and in no way prettier than me.
CRUSH:
Harmony: Oh, I'm gonna stake you! I'm coming after you, you bad, evil vampire, and I'm gonna slay you! I'm sneaking up, and I'm gonna stake you so much, with my slaying powers that I have because I'm the Chosen... Eek! Oh, Spike!
I WAS MADE TO LOVE YOU:
Buffy: I didn't even see a good-night kiss. It all looked pretty tame to me.
Joyce: I suppose, by your standards, it could seem pretty... Oh, dear.
Buffy: What?
Joyce: I left my bra in his car.
Buffy: Mother!
Joyce: I'm joking.
Buffy: Good god, that's horrible. Don't do that.
Joyce: I left it in the restaurant.
Buffy: No more! No more! No more!
Joyce: On the dessert cart.
Buffy: I can't hear you!
THE BODY:
Anya: I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's... there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid. And Xander's crying and not talking. And I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever. And she'll never have eggs or yawn or brush her hair. Not ever. And no one will explain to me why.
FOREVER:
Willow: You had two eggs, sunny-side-up. I remember because they were wiggling at me like little boobs.
Tara: Sassy eggs.
INTERVENTION:
Buffy: So, how does it start?
Giles: I, uh, jump out of the circle, then I jump back in it. And then I... uh... shake my gourd.
Buffy: Oh, I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the hokey-pokey and turn themselves around.
Giles: Go quest.
TOUGH LOVE:
Anya: Oh! And you know what else is un-American? French people!
Willow: You don't say.
Anya: From what I hear, they don't tip. French old people, now that's really the bottom of the barrel.
Xander: An! Hows about we try being just a bit less prejudiced and a bit more inclusive. Not us... just you.
SPIRAL:
Glory: Last words, Slay-runt?
Buffy: Just one... Truck.
THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD:
Xander: Wait... Ben? At Glory's? So you're saying that all this time he was sub-letting from her?
Spike: This... is gonna be worth it.
(Spike smacks Xander)
Spike & Xander: OW!
Spike: Last time, from the top...
THE GIFT:
Minion: Oh, Most Sweaty-Naughty-Feelings-Causing One!
Back to top...
Season 6: 2001-2002
BARGAINING, PT 1:
Spike: Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea?
BARGAINING, PT 2:
AFTER LIFE:
Buffy: How long was I gone?
Spike: Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Uh... hundred forty-eight today. (smiles a little) 'Cept today doesn't count, does it?
FLOODED:
Buffy: Now, I'm not saying I'll charge you for saving your life, but let's talk rates...
LIFE SERIAL:
This particular section of dialogue is broken into a few different scenes, so I cut out the non-germane portions:
Andrew: We are really super-villains now, like... like Dr. No. (Jonathan grins)
Warren: Yeah, back when Bond was Connery, and movies were decent.
Jonathan: (scornful) Who remembers Connery? I mean, Roger Moore was smooth.
Warren: You're insane. You're short, and you're insane.
Andrew: I like Timothy Dalton!
...scene break...
Warren: (to Andrew) Connery is Bond. He had style.
Jonathan: Yeah, but Roger Moore was funny.
Warren: Moonraker? The gondola turns into a hovercraft? It's retarded. Besides, the guy had, like, no edge.
Andrew: Dalton had edge. In Licence to Kill he was a rogue agent. That's edgy. (Warren and Jonathan give him looks of disbelief) And he was amazing in The Living Daylights.
Jonathan: Yeah, which was written for Roger Moore, not Timothy Dalton!
Warren: (annoyed) Okay, this is stupid! We're wasting time. End of discussion.
The other two nod and turn to their consoles, begin typing. Beat.
Warren: (very angry) I mean, there's a shot of like *pigeons*, doing double-takes when the gondola blasted by! Moonraker... is inexcusable.
...scene break...
Warren: Connery is the only actor of the bunch.
Andrew: Timothy Dalton should get an Oscar and (yells) beat Sean Connery over the head with it!
Warren: (grimly) Okay, that's it.
Warren spins around, grabs Andrew, gets him in a headlock. They struggle.
ALL THE WAY:
Spike: It's not like I don't already have plans. Great Pumpkin's on in twenty.
ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING:
Buffy: So. Dawn's in trouble. Must be Tuesday.
TABULA RASA:
Spike: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. (everyone looking at him) You Englishmen are always so... (pauses) hell! (ticks off on his fingers) Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks, oh God! I'm English!
--or--
Spike: 'Made with care for Randy.' (looks at Giles angrily) Randy Giles? Why not just call me 'Horny Giles,' or 'Desperate for a Shag Giles'? I knew there was a reason I hated you!
SMASHED:
Amy: By a giant snake thing. (nods) Okay, still adjusting. Hi Buffy.
Buffy: Hi. (awkwardly) How've you been?
Amy: Rat. You?
Buffy: Dead.
Amy: Oh.
WRECKED:
Xander: Anya has a theory. She thinks that Martha Stewart froze that guy.
Anya: Don't be ridiculous. Martha Stewart isn't a demon. (to Buffy) She's a witch.
Xander: Please, she- (pauses) Really?
Anya: Of course. Nobody could do that much decoupage without calling on the powers of darkness.
GONE:
Buffy: So you three have, what, banded together to be pains in my ass?
Warren: We're your arch-nemesises... ses. You may have beaten us this time, Slayer, but next time... um... uh, next time...
DOUBLEMEAT PALACE:
Willow: Amy. If you really are my friend... you better stay away from me. And if you really aren't... (meaningfully) you *better* stay away from me.
DEAD THINGS:
Buffy: Don't think about the evil bloodsucking fiend. Focus on anything but the evil bloodsucking fiend. (Sound of a woman screaming.) Thank you!
OLDER AND FAR AWAY:
Spike: (to Buffy) So, you ever think about *not* celebrating a birthday? Just to try it, I mean.
AS YOU WERE:
Vamp: What's that smell? (sniffing) Geez, Slayer, is that you?
Buffy: I've been working!
Vamp: Where, in a slaughterhouse?!
Buffy: (pouts) Double Meat Palace.
Vamp: Ohhh.
Vamp: You know what? Let's just call it a night. (Buffy looking surprised) If it's all the same to you, and you've been eating that stuff, I'm not so sure I wanna bite you.
Buffy: You're dead! You smell like it! (vamp shrugging and nodding) How do you get to say I'm the one who's stinky? (pouting)
Vamp: Really, it's, it's cool, I'll just catch you next time.
HELL'S BELLS:
Halfrek: So, Dawnie, how's everything? Going good? Nothing you, uh, nothing you *wish* was different...?
D'Hoffryn: Hallie, for Yekk's sake, take a day off. We're not here to do vengeance, we're here to mingle.
NORMAL AGAIN:
Spike: (demon attacks) Oh, balls. You didn't say he was a glarghk guhl kashma'nik(??)
Xander: 'Cause I can't say glar-
ENTROPY:
Spike: Drusilla was always straightforward. Didn't have a single buggering clue about what was going on right in front of her, but she was straight about it.
SEEING RED:
Andrew: (sobbing) How could he do that to me? He promised we'd be together. He was just using me. He never really loved (catching himself) hanging out with us.
VILLANS:
TWO TO GO:
Spike: Right. (grins) Here we are now. Entertain us.
THE GRAVE:
African Demon: Your soul is returned to you...
Back to top...
Season 7: 2002-2003
LESSONS:
Halfrek: No deaths, no eviscerations. You're not goading women into anything inventive and you're not delivering when it is.
Anya: I don't even know...
Halfrek: Waitress downtown. Wished her husband was a frog. You made him French!
Anya: He's smelly! And with that little mustache...
BENEATH YOU:
Xander: At a spankin' new Hellmouth High. Please... outside of drugs and violence and unwanted pregnancy and... the unleashing of hordes of Armageddon that comes pouring out of the school's foundation every now and then, what trouble could these kids have?
SAME TIME, SAME PLACE:
Dawn: (Through clenched teeth) Stop talking about vomit!
HELP:
Xander: Love poems?
Willow: I'm over you now sweetie...
Xander: (smirking and nodding) Love poems.
SELFLESS:
D’Hoffryn: Haven’t I taught you anything, Anya? Never go for the kill when you can go for the pain.
HIM:
Buffy: Willow, you’re a gay woman and… he isn’t.
Willow: This isn’t about his physical presence. It’s about his heart.
Anya: His physical presence has a penis!
Willow: I can work around it!
CONVERSATIONS WITH DEAD PEOPLE:
Holden: You do have a superiority complex. And you've got an inferiority complex about it. (laughs) Kudos.
SLEEPER:
Anya: You know, you were a lot more fun when you didn’t have a soul.
Spike: Oh, come on. Now I’ve just explained to you...
Anya: All I’m saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and halfway to Happyland by now.
NEVER LEAVE ME:
Andrew: THAT'LL DO PIG!!!!
BRING ON THE NIGHT:
Anya: Please. How many times did I hear that line in my demon days. 'I'm so rotten they don't even have a name for it... I'm baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?'
(seeing their looks)
Or terrified. Whatever.
SHOWTIME:
Kennedy: So what does evil taste like?
Willow: Kinda chalky.
POTENTIAL:
Xander: They'll never know how tough it is, Dawnie. To be the one who isn't chosen; to live so near the spotlight and never step in it. But I know. I see more than anybody realizes, 'cause nobody's watching me. I saw you last night, I see you working here today... You're not special. You're extraordinary.
THE KILLER IN ME:
Spike: Who you gonna call?
(seeing Buffy's amused expression)
God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
Buffy: Doubt it...
FIRST DATE:
Buffy: It's not even that his behavior's that suspicious. But there he is, right over the Hellmouth all day every day. It's gotta be like being showered with evil, only from underneath.
Willow: Not really a shower.
Buffy: A bidet, then. A bidet of evil.
GET IT DONE:
Principal Wood: Nice jacket...
Spike: (walking briskly by) Thanks...
Principal Wood: Where'd you get it?
Spike: New York. (exits hall)
STORYTELLER:
Anya: For God's sake Andrew! You've been in here thirty minutes. What are you doing?
Andrew: Entertaining and educating.
Anya: Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
LIES MY PARENTS TOLD ME:
Buffy: Spike is the strongest warrior we have. We are going to need him if we’re going to come out of this thing alive. (beat) You try anything again, he’ll kill you. More importantly, I’ll let him. I have a mission to win this war, to save the world. I don’t have time for vendettas.
DIRTY GIRLS:
Kennedy: I don’t care if it’s Godzilla. I want to get in this thing.
Andrew: Godzilla is mostly Tokyo-based so he’s probably a noshow.
Amanda: Besides, Matthew Broderick can kill Godzilla. How tough is he?
Andrew: (anxious) Xander!
Xander: Matthew Broderick did not kill Godzilla. He killed a big dumb lizard that was not the real Godzilla.
Rona: You people are even crazier than her.
EMPTY SPACES:
Andrew: Run is a 4-letter... a 3-letter word.
TOUCHED:
About Andrew...
Spike: He's a breath of fresh air ain't he? (Pause) Glad I don't breathe.
END OF DAYS:
Faith: ...Thank god we’re hot chicks with superpowers.
Buffy: Takes the edge off.
Faith: Comforting.
Buffy: Mm-hmm.
CHOSEN:
Willow: This goes beyond anything I’ve ever done. It’s a total loss of control and not in a nice, wholesome, “my girlfriend has a pierced tongue” kind of way.
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