Doyle: It's not all about fighting and gadgets and such. It's about reaching out to people. Showing them that there's love and hope still left in this world.
Homeless Woman: Got any spare change?
Doyle: Get a job you lazy sow.

Angel: How'd you pick up computer skills?
Cordelia: Downloading pictures of naked women?
Doyle: Well that's more or less accurate.

(Spike is on top of a building watching Angel converse with a woman he just saved)
Spike (mouthing woman): How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad-hunk-of-a-knight-thing?
Spike (mouthing Angel): No need little lady. Your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire. But love, and a pesky curse, defanged me. And now, I'm just a big fluffy puppy with bad teeth.
(The woman goes to hug Angel and he backs away)
Spike (mouthing Angel): No! Not the hair! Never the hair.
Spike (mouthing woman): But there must be some way I can show my appreciation.
Spike (mouthing Angel): No, helping those in need's my job. And working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough.
Spike (mouthing woman): I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so...
Spike (mouthing Angel): Say no more. Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that Nancy-boy hair gel I like so much. Quickly! To the Angel-mobile! Away!

Kate: Wolfram & Hart, you know the name?
Angel: I've heard it.
Kate: They're the law firm Johnny Cochran is too ethical to join.

Cordelia: Back off Polygrip!! You think you're bad? All mean and haunty? Picking on poor pathetic Cordy. Well, get ready to haul your wrinkly translucent ass outta this place, cuz lady... the Bitch is back.

Little Tony: If I'd known how bad you wanted me, I mighta let you catch me sooner.
Kate: If I'd known how much you needed the exercise, I might've let you run a little longer.

Harry: And since when does your family follow the ancient teachings?
Uncle John: We don't flaunt our beliefs, but they're very dear to us.
Harry: Oh, please Uncle John! When is the last time you pried your self away from ESPN long enough to spill the blood of a she-goat?

Buffy: I felt your heart beat.

Doyle: Is that it? Am I done?

Cordelia: Damn. I can't believe he did this to me.
Angel: Who did what?
Cordelia: Doyle! I thought our kiss meant something. And instead, he used that moment to pass it on to me. Why couldn't it have been mono or herpes?

Penn: We were to meet in Italy, remember?
Angel: I remember.
Penn: Well, I waited. Hell, I waited until the 19th century. What happened?
Angel: I got held up in Romania.
Penn: Romania. What's in Romania?
Angel: Gypsies

Wilson: This is a private club. Featured word: Private.
Angel: You don't talk to me, I'll kick your ass. Featured word: Ass.

(Chair pulls out)
Angel: Hi, Dennis. How ya doin'?
(Beer floats over and opens)
Angel: Still dead? (sips) I know the feeling.

Ethros: Do you know what the most frightening thing in the world is? Nothing.

Vampire: Looks like you're not welcome here, bro.
Angel: He dies, and the very instant his soul leaves his body, I'm through this door, and I kill you both.

Cordelia: Someone oughta create a Intra-Demon Dating Base. You know, like ArchFiend.org... Where the lonely and the slimy connect.

Angelus: Good news, Wes Old Boy! You don't have an inferiority complex. You're just simply inferior.

Lee: I wanna make sure you understand this firm is in no way connected to anything you do. It's my ass on the line here. I don't want you to make me look bad.
Faith: (SLAM) How do you look now?

Faith: Buffy. I'm so...
Buffy: You apologize to me, I will beat you to death.

Lenny: What do you want?
Angel: Good question. What do I want. Love, family, place on this planet I can call my own. But you know what?
Lenny: What?
Angel: I'm never going to have any of those things. And unless these few minutes go exactly the way I want them to, neither are you.

Wesley: Perhaps Angel's discovered a new species?
Cordelia: What? Helen Kellerus Homicidilus?

Angel: Don't believe everything you're foretold.

Back to top...

Angel: Three things I don't do: tan, date, and sing in public.

Thesulac: There's an entire hotel here just full of tortured souls who could really use your help. Whaddya say?
Angel: Take 'em all.

Cordelia: When you do find him, you may want to be a little more Guy Pierce in L.A. Confidential, and a little less Michael Madsen in Reservoir Dogs.
Gunn: I haven't bothered to see a movie since Denzel was robbed of the Oscar for Malcolm X. Later.
Wesley: That was quite a performance.
Cordelia: I know! Talk about wound up too tight.
Wesley: No. I - I mean Denzel.
Cordelia: Oh. Well, he's always great.
Wesley: (to Angel) What about you?
Angel: Who doesn't love Denzel?

Angel: Do you know how hard it is to think straight with a rebar through your torso?
Cordelia: Actually, I do. Benefits of a Sunnydale education.

Darla: You made quite a mess out there - the blood and habits everywhere.
Angelus: Convents. They're just a big cookie jar.
--or--
Darla: You were a legend. Nobody could keep up with you. Not even me. You don't *learn* that kind of darkness. You say you can smell me. Well, I can smell you, too. And my boy is still in there, and he wants out.

Either the bit about the coat:
Wesley: Did you find out who hired him?
Angel: He wouldn't say...That is my coat, right?
(Pause)
Angel: What's going on? Why were you in Virginia?
Wesley: That's beside the point.
Wesley: We have to go. Angel, you take Gunn and go to the front of the house. Cordelia, we'll go around the back...
Angel: Wesley?
Wesley: Oh, right. I'm sorry. You know this sort of thing best. How should we proceed?
Angel: Um... Well, Gunn and I could... take the back?
Wesley: Very good. Let's go.
Angel: Um, Wesley? Can I get my coat back?
--or--
The bit about the eunich:
Yeska: The sacrifice... is impure!!
Bryce: She's impure? She's not a virgin? (To Wes) You!
Gunn: Whoa. That's what impure meant?
Cordelia: She slept with him?
Bryce: You were supposed to be Angel! This wouldn't have happened! That's why I hired him! He's a eunuch!
Cordelia: You slept with her?!
Angel: A eunuch?
Wesley: Things happen...two young people... danger...
Virginia: What are you talking about?!
Bryce: She was a virgin before you got here!
Virginia: I was not a virgin!
Bryce: What?
Wesley: Oh, thank goodness.
Gunn: I coulda told you she wasn't no virgin.
Angel: Not a eunuch!
Cordelia: One day as Angel?! One day and he's getting some?
Bryce: What? How could... I kept you away from all men!
Angel: The curse isn't even all that clear.
Bryce: Ginny, don't do this! Don't make me angry!
Virginia: Right, because then you might do something bad! You were going to kill me!
Angel: I'm not a eunuch.

Cordelia: Let's face it, unless there's a web site called www.oh-by-the-way-we-have-darla-stashed-here.com, we're pretty much out of luck.

Kate: Afraid I'll get hurt?
Angel: No. I'm afraid you'll get killed. I'm just telling you this so you won't.
Kate: Me, dead. I guess I'd kind of be like you, then, wouldn't I?
Angel: Let's try this one more time. You get stuck between me and Darla, and it'll be the last thing you ever do.

Wesley: (talking about Wolfram & Hart) They can't really be trusted.
Darla: I don't trust them. But I know a thing or two about mind games. (To Angel) And so do you. We played them together for over a century.
Cordelia: Yes, but you were just souless bloodsucking demons. They're lawyers.
Angel: She's right. We were amateurs.

Drusilla: Daddy's home!
Darla: Angelus. Here for the tasting?
Drusilla: It's not daddy. It's never daddy. It's the Angel beast.
Darla: Come to punish us.
Drusilla: Yeah. Yeah, spank us 'til Tuesday. Grrruf! We promise to be bad if you do.

Lindsey: What is it exactly that you want, Darla?
Darla: Power. See Lindsey, during my stint as Wolfram and Hart's puppet, something occurred to me. I loathe being used. As I recall, I sent you a 15-body memo to that effect.

Lilah: So what if this guy's as good as he thinks and actually kills Angel?
Lindsey: Boo hoo. Let me wipe away the tears with my plastic hand.

Angel: You wanna know what my problem is? I'm screwed. That's my problem. I can't win. I'm trying to atone for a hundred years of unthinkable evil and--newsflash--I never can. Never gonna be enough. Now I got Wolfram and Hart dogging me, it's too much! Two hundred highly intelligent law school graduates working full time to drive me crazy. Why the Hell is everyone so surprised it's working? But no, it's "Angel you're so cranky, Angel should lighten up, you should smile, Angel you should wear a nice plaid."
Host (later to become Lorne or Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan): Oh, not this season, Honey.

Wesley: I... I feel I should be in a great deal of pain.
Gunn: Gettin' gutshot'll do that to ya.
Wesley: And yet... (looks at tube in arm) Is this morphine? (Gunn nods) Well it's bloody lovely! (giggles)

Holland: The world doesn't work in spite of evil, Angel. It works with us. It works because of us. If there wasn't evil in every single one of them out there, why, they wouldn't be people. They'd all be angels.

Host (later to become Lorne or Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan): What's not to understand? You think you're the first guy who ever rolled over, saw what was lyin' next to him, and went, "Gueeeyah!" You're not. Believe me.

Angel: Man, atonement's a bitch.

Lindsey: I hope you're not waiting for me to tell you that I learned some kind of a lesson. That I had a big moral crisis, but now I see the light.
Angel: No, no. If you told me that, then I'd have to kill you. I'm just here to say 'bon voyage.' Don't come back.

Host (later to become Lorne or Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan): Yes, Lorne. If you must. Though I generally don't go by that, because well... Green.
Cordelia: Huh?
Angel: Right. Lorne Greene. (They all give him off looks) Come on. "Bonanza?" 15 years on the air not meaning anything here? Okay, now I feel old.

Host (later to become Lorne or Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan): Ah, yes. Home sweet hell.

Host (later to become Lorne or Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan)'s Mother: Your father was right. We ate the wrong son.

Angel: What can you tell me of the Princess?
Captain: The filthy cow-bitch that brought you into our world?
Angel: Call her that again, I'll remove your face. Slowly.

Back to top...

Elisabeth: You know neither poetry nor love, Angelus.
Darla: He knows other things. Marvelously vile and ripping things. Didn't we eat a poet in Madrid?
Angelus: Troubadour.

Angel: Don't you came at me through Cordelia ever again. You play that card a second time and I'll kill you.

Fred: (singing) Crazy. I'm crazy for feeling so lonely. I'm crazy...
Cordy: I swear to god she picked out the song herself.
--or--
Fred: Although I thought I might just shoot you in the throat instead. Now, if I pierce one of your carotid arteries, considering the temperature in here, 'cause I think somebody shot the thermostat, the blood loss is gonna be heavy. And there's a chance I'll puncture a vocal cord and you won't even be able to scream. But you'll want to when the blood loss to your brain results in a cerebral vascular event. - That's a stroke. I wasn't trying to sound snooty.

Cordy: If Julia Roberts ever makes a realistic movie about being an escort, I think it should be called pretty skanky woman.

Fred: Oh, no! Was there another massacre?
Lorne: Oh no, just the one. But it turns out massacres are a lot like sitting through Godfather III: once is enough.

Wesley: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? (Shoves Fred down on the stairs) Nothing you haven't told her twice before. (Fred runs) No sense of humor.

Angel: Darla.
Wesley: Darla?
Cordelia: Darla?
Fred: Who's Darla?
Gunn: Angel's old flame from way back.
Fred: Not the one who died?
Gunn: Yeah... No, not that one. The other one that died and came back to life. She's a vampire.
Fred: Do y'all have a chart or something?
Gunn: In the files, I'll get it for you later.

Woman's voice: Hi, you've reached the Tittles. We can't come to the phone right now. If you wanna leave a message for Christine, press one. (Man's voice) For Bentley, press two. (Deep, gravely voice) Or to speak to or worship Master Tarfall, Underlord of pain, press three.

Gavin: He's gonna crucify us.
Lilah: They don't crucify here. It's too Christian.

Angel: My son has a tiny scratch on his cheek, and now, by extraordinary coincidence so do you. I'm holding you personally responsible for *anything* that happens to him whether it's your fault or not. Cold, sunburn, scratched knee, what ever happens to him, happens to you, and then some. For not only are you not coming after him, you gonna make sure that he lives a long, healthy life. You just became his godfather, understand?
Linwood: I believe I do.
Guard: Sir?
Linwood: It's all right.
Angel: Oh, and one more thing: College fund? Start saving. I got my heart set on Notre Dame.

Cordy: So - demonize me already.

Wesley: The Internet article I'm currently writing posits a formula for the genome mapping of creatures who don't have genes. - It's an exciting arena.
Lorne: One I'm sure we can all download at 'I'll never know the love of a woman dot com.'

Cordelia: Open the damn door.
Angel: Kinda hard.
Cordelia: Kinda noticed.

Wesley, after falling for Fred, talks to Gunn about his feelings for Fred...
Wesley: Still... She could get hurt. I trust that won't happen?
Gunn: What are you, her brother?
Wesley: Apparently.

On why Angel wants his son to play hockey
Gunn: You realize this is the whitest sport known to man?
Angel: True. But the games are indoors, and they usually play at night.
Gunn: Got you.

Lilah: Like a cat. Can't hear you. But I'm starting to feel you when you're near. Isn't that nice and creepy? How'd you find me?
Angel: Your assistant.
Lilah: I'll have his arms broken.
Angel: Already taken care of.

Angel: Hey, Wes. I just... I want you to know that I understand why you did it. I know about the prophecies and I know how hard it must have been for you to... do what you did. You thought I was gonna turn evil and kill my son. I didn't. It's important you know that. This isn't Angelus talking. It's me, Angel. You know that, right? (Wesley blinks) Good.
(Angel starts to choke Wesley)
Angel: You're dead! You're a dead man, Pryce! You're dead! I'll kill you!

Fred: Say it again. A little slower this time.
Gunn: I was terribly, terribly wrong to break up with you and say those mean and untrue things.
Fred: Good. Now - say it into the tape recorder.

Gavin: Hey, you know, despite our differences, when a co-worker tries to pat you on the back...
Lilah: I check for the knife.

Lilah: You know, I always forget - the very bottom of hell, in the ninth circle, the devil is frozen in ice, right? He got three heads, three mouths and those mouths are reserved for the worst sinners. Now, I can't remember - who is in the center mouth? Wh-what was his name? The one person in all of human history deemed the greatest sinner? Who is it?
Wesley: Judas Iscariot.
Lilah: Right. The worst spot in hell is reserved for those who betray.

Lorne: Oh, hey, kiddo. I didn't see you there. You looking for your dad? Come on. He's upstairs. I'll show you the room... This way.
Connor: I'm not going anywhere with you, demon.
Lorne: I'll tell you what, since you were raised in a hell dimension by a psychopath, and since that happens to be a topic that I know a little something about, we'll just let that slide. Now I'll fetch your pop for you.

Wesley: You still here?
Lilah: I'm starting to like you, Wes. Don't go making more of this than it is. I'm not one of the doe-y eyed girls of Angel Investigations... Don't be thinking about me when I'm gone.
Wesley: I wasn't thinking about you when you were here.

Back to top...

Lorne: No, not a peep. But if I miracle ear anything I’ll send up a smoke signal. Oh, that’s my cue. Take care of yourself and make sure Fluffy is getting enough love.
Fred: Lorne!
Fred hangs up the phone with a sigh.
Gunn: Did he have anything?
Fred: No. And who’s Fluffy? Are you Fluffy?
Gunn: He called me Fluffy?
Fred: He said make sure… wait. You don’t think he was referring to anything of mine that’s fluffy, do you? Because that would just be inappropriate.

Angel: Miss me?
(Lilah starts and lowers the binoculars.)
Lilah: Only in the sense of no.

Angel: This place was so much friendlier when the mob ran it.

Reading from her Sunnydale High yearbook
Cordelia: "Cordelia, homeroom was fun. Too bad it burnt to the ground.” What? “Hey, how about that giant snake?” “Dear Cordelia, thanks for the flaming arrows.” Flaming arrows?

Angel: Wait! You should take her fuzzy slippers. (puts them in box) Her feet get cold.
Connor: I know. She's always stealing the covers.

Wesley: Where do you hail from, friend?
Angel: I’m not your friend, you English pig. We never wanted you in Ireland. We don’t want you now.
--or--
Cordelia: Aren’t you going to go in there and stop them?
Angel: It’s about time the English got what’s coming to him. I’m rooting for the slave.

After seeing The Beast for the first time:
Lorne: Oh… I’m gonna need a bigger arrow.

Cordelia: I’m just glad that everyone’s safe and together again.
Angel: (smiles) Me, too.
Cordelia smiles back.
Angel: Now… take your new boyfriend and get the hell out of here.

Wesley: No... but Angelus might. There’s only one way we’re going to defeat this Beast. We need Angelus.

Connor: Well, then you’re a puppet! Either way, everything’s going to hell because of you. You’re the reason that the sun is gone, that I don’t have a home to go back to. You’re the reason that she... (looks at Cordelia) It’s you. You’re the reason my life sucks.

Angelus: You know, you’re not fooling anyone. Get some new clothes, cool haircut, hit the gym... you’re still the same loser none of the other kids wanted to sit with at lunch.

Angelus: (on camera) Like smacking your girl around? I bet you Wes would never hit her. He’s all proper and English. And that accent... oh, chicks just love a good accent. Makes ’em all buttery in their nether regions. Isn’t that right, Fred?
(Gunn stares at Fred but she says nothing.)
Angelus: You know, I had a bit of an Irish brogue back in the day. If you like, I can use it on you when I rape you to death. Or...
(Gunn yanks out the power cable to the monitor.)

Wesley: Thought you could use a little release. Feel natural?
Faith: Just like riding a biker.

Francis: (nervous) Wait, I have a condition. Whoop! Goh-boy! Dirty bitch! Tourette’s. You’ve heard of it, right?

Angelus: (disgusted) The whole way over here he crouched in the filth of the animals just to avoid human temptation. This isn’t my life. It’s his!
Faith: Angel’s?
Angelus: It annoyed the crap out of me the first time around. This sucks. And why do you get to be Marley’s ghost?

Lorne: Has Cordy been a bad, bad girl?
(Turning the Magic 8-Ball over in his hand, the answer reads DEFINITELY)

Lorne: That explains why my mojo’s been gucked up. Queen Beeyatch put the whammy on me.

Fred: Oh, right. Well, there’s been an awful lot of dismembering going on in that basement lately if you ask me.
Lorne: Well, it’s been a busy month.

Deaf Woman: (subtitled due to sign-language) I wish I could be in Fred’s skull so I could explode her brain and kill her for rejecting Jasmine.

Monster: I just messenger from the ones who love truly.
Angel: (from offscreen) Well, then...
(The beast whirls around to find Angel standing in the tunnel entrance, machete in hand.)
Angel: ...I guess it’s time to shoot the messenger. Or chop the messenger into little bitty pieces. Whatever.

Connor: I know she's a lie... Jasmine... my whole life's been built on them. I just... I guess I thought this one was better than the others.

Lorne: So it's an evil limo. I get that. Does that mean we don't restock the cherries?

Back to top...

Wolfram & Hart Security Agent: What happened to mercy?
Angel: (Walking out of school hallway) You just saw the last of it.

Angel: (To Spike) Fair?! You asked for a soul. I didn't! It almost killed me. I spent a hundred years trying to come to terms with infinite remorse. You spent 3 weeks moaning in a basement, and then you were fine! What's fair about that?!

Fred: (Regarding Knox) Uh, we're, you know, heh heh, friendly, but he's under me... or I'm on top of him. Professionally. All I'm saying is, he... he's not evil

Spike: Reality bends to desire. That was it, right? That's why I could touch Fred, write your name in the glass. All I had to do was want it bad enough. (Spike looks down at his naked body and clothing appears on him again) ...and guess what I want to do now, you prissy son of a bitch!

Angel: Eve, you stay here with me, and we'll have more sex.
Eve: I'm on it.

Spike: (Fred walks up to the office, noticing the broken glass) Hey! Fred! Did ya hear? Angel attacked the old mail guy.
Angel: What?!
Fred: (shocked) Not number 5? You didn't hurt him?
Angel: No. I... He attacked me.
Wesley: We should find him.
Spike: Absolutely. Wanna buy him a pint. Bloody made my day.

Wesley: Right now I feel like the guy who shot his own father.
Angel: Well, it was just a robot with a fancy glamour... Well, like I said... don't beat yourself up. Oh... you know... I killed my actual dad. It was one of the first things I did when I became a vampire.
Wesley: (stares at Angel in disgust) I hardly see how that's the same situation.
Angel: Yeah. I didn't really think that one through. You should get some rest...
Spike: Heard what happened up top, offing your dad and all. Don't know if you know this, but, uh... I killed my mum. Actually, I'd already killed her, and then she tried to shag me, so I had to...
Wesley: (holds his hands up in a "stop" motion) Thank you. I'm...very comforted.

(Conversation over cell-phone)
Angel: You took my Viper.
Spike: My Viper now, mate. Possession's 9/10s.

Harmony: You're right. That girl hated me. She wanted me dead. I matter.

Harmony: Any time something comes in with runes on it, I'm supposed to tell Angel immediately... and not try and read the runes myself... 'cause that can cause a fire.

Spike: She's...one of us now. She's a monster.
Angel: She's an innocent victim.
Spike: So were we... once upon a time.
Angel: Once upon a time.

Fred: Angel, you're not going down there alone.
Angel: The fail-safe's meant for me. I'm not gonna risk anybody I care about.
Spike: I'll go.
Angel: (too quick) OK.

Spike: Took him long enough. Know revenge is best served cold and all, but his must've been frozen solid.

Spike: (laughs) You're a wee, little puppet man!

Eve: Why would we do anything to Fred? (starts to stand up) Why would we even care about her...
Lorne: (punches Eve in the face, knocking her down) Ooh. Oh, I'm sorry. That was a knuckle-buster. I'm Jake LaMotta over here. It's pathetic. Oh. (leans in close to Eve) Here's the thing, Eve: You're going to sing for me, and I'm going to read you right now. And here's one more thing: Winifred Burkle once told me after a sinful amount of Chinese food, and in lieu of absolutely nothing, "I think a lot of people would choose to be green. Your shade, if they had the choice." If I hear one note... one quarter-note... that tells me you had any involvement, these two won't even have time to kill you. (stands) Oh, and anything by Diana Warren will also result in your death... well, except "Rhythm of the Night."

Angel: What'd you get out of the doctor?
Spike: Screams. Various fluids.

Lindsey: You still happy to see me?

Connor: Do you spend all your time making out with other vampires like in Anne Rice novels?
Angel: No... I-I-I used to...

Illyria: You ask me to allow you to murder me.
Spike: It's not murder if you say yes.

Angelus: That's why he had us tossed... so he could violate...
Darla: He didn't...
Angelus: VIOLATE... our women.
Spike: VIOLATE! In succession...
Darla: Concurrently.
Angelus: Concurrently? You never let us do that...

Angel: If I were Angelus, half of you would already be dead... just for the fun of it.

Lindsey: Everybody goes on about your soul. Vampire with a soul. Nobody ever mentions the fact that you're really a vampire with big brass testes.

Back to top...